No Looking Back
by clueless-chan
Summary: What Touya wants for his birthday, yaoi but no lemon.


No Looking Back

cluelesspsycho

Card Captor Sakura, TouyaxYukito

R for hints

"It's your birthday next week," said Yukito as he wrote the answer of the math homework. "What do you want?"

Touya did not answer right away. He was thinking, however, Yukito felt that his best friend was staring at him too. Yukito lifted his face to look into Touya's eyes.

"I want to fuck you," said Touya to answer Yukito's question. His eyes drilled into Yukito's eyes.

Yukito looked away as he laughed softly. "Make love to me?" he said in disbelief.

"Yeah, whatever."

"You said it as if you're reading weather forecast," Yukito gave Touya a sidelong glance. "And I think you should've asked first if I want to do it with you."

"You asked, I answered."

Yukito chuckled but kept his smile on. He did not have to look into Touya's eyes to know that Touya was serious. After all, the only time when Touya was not serious was when he was picking on Sakura.

"I'll think about it," Yukito said as he resumed his writing. "Where do you want to do it?"

"Here," answered Touya, again, with no hesitation at all. "Dad will be away next week. I'll bribe Sakura to stay in Tomoyo's house for the night."

"As if you can let Sakura stay the night in other place but here," teased Yukito.

"I can. Unless you want to do it in your place."

Yukito inhaled deeply and put his pencil down.

There was a knock at the door, followed by Touya's father's voice, "Touya! Yukito! It's late already. Try to get some sleep, or you'll pass out during the test."

Touya closed the book and got up to switch on the bed lamp and switch off the ceiling lamp.

"Good night," he said as he climbed up the bed and pulled his blanket.

Yukito crawled under the blanket on the futon, spread on the floor next to Touya's bed. "Good night," he murmured softly before putting his head on the pillow.

But he did not fall asleep right away, which was unusual for him. He could tell that Touya had fallen into the dreamland only seconds after his head hit the pillow, his soft breath sounded crisp in the quiet, night air.

Yukito stared at the low desk where their books were scattered. The room suddenly felt different to him, although he had spent so many nights here, studying until late with Touya.

Touya must be kidding, he thought, but remembered how the statement made his stomach flip and his heartbeat raced a bit. Why did he say that in the first place other than joking? Sure they were close to each other and people were talking behind their backs, but Touya never offered anything towards him but pure friendship.

I Why now? /I 

Yukito inhaled deeply and decided to sleep it off.

Yukito wanted to ask Touya whether he was serious with wanting to fuck him, just to convince himself, but he did not know where to start. Touya never brought up the subject anymore, nor he showed different attitudes or behavior that he normally showed. Yukito felt that it would only make him look silly if he asked that. As if he did not know Touya already.

But then, Yukito also was also unsure whether having sex was supposed to be a big deal or not. He knew that some of his friends in the school did that already, even between boys. Some boasted about it within closed circles, some kept it secret, although not too successfully.

But since Touya looked cool about it, Yukito decided that perhaps, between boys, it should not really be a big deal.

That left him with one question. Whether he would like to do it or not.

With Touya? He would. Definitely.

After all, it was just a boys thing, he should be able to do it.

Yukito was browsing through the Biology section of the school library when he saw Touya entering. He smiled, feeling happy with his stomach flip and he quickly marched to meet Touya.

Touya headed straight to one of the computer booth.

"Touya," Yukito greeted, panting a little from walking too fast but managed to flash his trademark smile to Touya.

"Oh, didn't know you're here," said Touya, his right hand grabbed the mouse and he clicked the Internet Explorer buton.

"Checking emails?" asked Yukito.

"No, checking some references," answered Touya as his fingers tapped on the keyboard.

"Oh, for the Geography homework? I've..."

"No," Touya shook his head. He finally lifted his face to look at Yukito. "Come here, you might want to see it as well."

Yukito walked around to stand behind Touya so he could look at the monitor as well. He gasped. "It's a gay site, Touya," he whispered as he glanced at the rest of the library.

"Yes, it is," said Touya. "I need references on how to do it right. I don't wanna hurt you."

Yukito was startled. Stunned. His stomach flipped again, but in uneasy way now.

"Touya," his voice trembled when he said his best friend's name. "I haven't said I would."

"What if you would?" Touya clicked on the word "Positions" to open another page. There were text in English, but what made Yukito frown were the pictures. Real people photographs of man doing it to man in several different positions.

Suddenly, Yukito did not feel too sure anymore.

"Touya," he murmured, his knees felt so weak now. "You could've just asked... you know... our friends."

"I'm sorry, I can't rely on their information," said Touya, his eyes glued on the monitor as he read the text carefully. "They're just bluffing."

Touya rolled the page down and the more he saw the pictures, the more Yukito got uneasy. He wondered how Touya could read the text and examined the pictures but still looked serious as if he was not affected at all by the erotic pictures. Right now Yukito felt like... He shook his head to shake the thought away.

"I have to go," he murmured into Touya's ear, his voice cracked already.

"Hn," Touya nodded.

So Touya was serious and Yukito felt like a total moron. He tried to act normal, but he knew that Touya must know that he was faking it. He suddenly felt uneasy to be around Touya. He kept thinking about the pictures, about how he, they, should do it right. He found the pictures disturbing for they looked so real. Worse because he knew exactly how Touya looked when naked.

Worse because after viewing the internet site, he couldn't stop his eyes from lingering at Touya's crotch. Or lips. Or butt.

I Why does Touya have to be that serious anyway? /I he wondered.

How he hated himself now for feeling torn apart like that. He kept telling himself that people did that all the time, and they seemed fine.

But then, why did Touya even have to read references like he meant it?

"Yukito," Touya's voice startled him and brought him back to reality that he was having lunch with Touya at the school yard. "If you don't want that I ebi /I , I'll eat it."

"Oh, sure, please," Yukito pinched the ebi with his chopsticks and dropped it in Touya's lunchbox.

"Come anytime tomorrow night," Touya said after swallowing the properly munched ebi. "Whenever you're ready. Sakura will be in Tomoyo's house."

Yukito only laughed softly. I Is Touya's birthday tomorrow already? /I He wondered whether he should tell Touya now that he was not ready. Would never be ready at all. Maybe in another couple of years. But not now.

"I'll bake a chocolate cake," said Touya.

"I'll be there." The words escaped Yukito's lips before he could even stop it.

Now he had to keep his promise.

Yukito looked at his reflection in the mirror, feeling weird. He had taken a bath, thoroughly cleaned his skin and washed his hair. He wore loose sweater and his favourite jeans. He looked good. I I look terrible. /I He did not want to go.

He hated Touya for being serious about wanting to fuck him.

He had picked up something on the way back from school. He'd come to Touya's house, had a piece of cake (or two), told him that he was not ready and gave him the present. Touya would forget about his first wish once he saw the present. It's a Tommy Hilfiger windbreaker.

Still, he hesitated as he stood in front of Touya's house. Maybe this was not such a good idea. Maybe he just put the present at the door and walked back home.

I Coward /I , he scolded himself. He steeled his heart and walked forward.

"Welcome." Yukito almost jumped at Touya's greeting as the door was pulled open. But he was quick enough to put a smile on his face.

"Happy birthday, Touya," he said.

"Thankyou," Touya gave him a faint smile. "Please come in. The cake is just ready."

"Ah, that's good!" Yukito beamed as he took off his sneakers and put them in proper place.

The house was filled with the delicious scent of chocolate cake and that made Yukito happy. For a moment, he did not feel his uneasiness and let himself pulled into the familiarity of the house. And Touya's presence. Comforting as ever.

"Have a seat," said Touya as he placed the cake on the dining table. "I've also made some stuff for us."

"You really work so hard," complimented Yukito.

"It's my birthday, I want something special for my birthday," said Touya as he sat across Yukito at the dining table.

Touya cut the cake into six equal pieces and put one in a plate for Yukito. Which Yukito accepted gladly.

Yukito was halfway through his cake when he realized that Touya was not eating his cake and was staring at him instead. He looked up at Touya.

"Anything the matter?"

"No," Touya shook his head. "Just tell me when you're ready and we'll go upstairs."

Yukito swallowed hard and his crotch reacted funny. Time to tell Touya the truth. He put his fork down.

"Touya, I...," he paused to find better words. "I'm sorry, but I'm not ready."

Before Touya could say anything, he quickly put the present bag on the table and continued, "I bought you another present."

Yukito could not even look at Touya's face. When he had the courage to, he saw Touya was smiling at him. His heart melted.

"Thankyou but I'm still going to fuck you tonight," Touya said, as serious as ever. When he saw Yukito was blinking in dilemma, he continued, "Because I want to. Because I know you want to. Because you will."

Yukito blinked some more.

Fuck?

With Touya? He knew he would.

Definitely.

end


End file.
